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A&W Bacon N' Egger
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY. ALSO HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME. THAT'S NOT A JOKE. CRAZY RIGHT? KNOW WHAT ELSE IS CRAZY? I'M GONNA DO THIS ENTIRE REVIEW IN CAPS LOCK. BOLD FACE CAPS LOCK. TAKE THAT HATERS! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU CAN'T HATE THOUGH? THE BACON N' EGGER. THE BEST PART ABOUT IT, IS THAT IT DOESN'T TRY HARD TO BE SPECIAL. THERE'S NO SPECIAL BUN. THEY JUST USE THE O.G. SESAME SEED BUN THAT THEY USE FOR THEIR BURGERS... AND IT WORKS SO GOOD. THESE BUNS ARE ALWAYS FRESH AS HELL, AND THEY TOAST OH SO NICELY. THERE'S A SLIGHT COATING OF BUTTER ON EACH HALF, AND THE SESAME SEEDS ADD A NICE TEXTURE TO THIS SOFT BREAD CONTRAPTION. THE EGG, AS YOU CAN SEE, IS JUST A REGULAR EGG. IT'S FRIED ON THE GRIDDLE, SO YOU GET LITTLE CRISPY EGG PIECES AROUND THE EDGES, AND A NICE YELLOW YOLK IN THE MIDDLE. THE BACON IS COOKED PERFECTLY, AND HAS A NICE CHEW TO IT. THE CHEESE IS SO MELTY, I FUCKING LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE IT. IT'S REALLY ONE OF THE GOODEST BREAKFAST SANDWICHES YOU CAN GET. I ALWAYS GET TWO. ALSO, A&W FINALLY CHANGED THEIR COFFEE, FROM THEIR GARBAGE SEWAGE HOUSE BRAND, TO A MILDER VAN HOUTTE BREAKFAST BLEND. IT'S REALLY TOP NOTCH. A&W IS PRETTY AWESOME ALL THE WAY AROUND. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY BACON. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY I CAN CRY IF I WANT TO. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY. IS THE CAPS LOCK ANNOYING YET? IS IT ANNOYING YET? IS IT ANNOYING YET?IT'S LIKE I'M CONSTANTLY YELLING. GO FUCK YOURSELF SAN DIEGO.

McDonald's CBO
McDonad's is making some bold statements in their ads for this sandwich. "Your new favorite" they say. "A legend in the making" claims their website. LISTEN FUCKERS. Don't go telling people what's going to be their new favorite sandwich. You think some MEDIOCRE chicken sandwich is going to replace the spot in peoples hearts of the LEGENDARY BIG MAC or the savory meaty sandwich that is the QUARTER POUNDER? IT WON'T. CBO stands for Chicken Bacon Onion... but It should stand for Chicken Boring OK. That wasn't very clever really... But you understand what I'm saying. You're following me. You're picking up what I'm laying down. You're catching my drift. You see what I mean. You're getting the picture. You're smelling what I'm stepping in. You're reading what I'm writing. CHICKEN BORING... OK? IT'S NOTHING SPECIAL. THE MCCHICKEN IS BETTER. BRING BACK MCPIZZA.

Tim Horton's Philly Cheesesteak Panini & Warm Kettle Chips
I wasn't expecting too much from this. Steak from a place that has no proper cooking equipment.... EHHHHH. But I was pleasantly surprised. The thin steak strips are mixed with peppers, onions, a coarse mustard, and cheddar cheese, and then put onto a REAL panini press. Yep. So although the steak is originally cooked in a microwave or something... The panini press adds real grill marks, and heats the sandwich evenly throughout. No dried ends from a goofy convection oven. The sandwich is awesome, and I definitely recommend it. BUT YOU DON'T GET OFF THAT EASY TIMMIES... WHAT THE FUCK ARE THESE CHIPS SUPPOSED TO BE? YOU KNOW WHEN YOU GO CAMPING, AND YOU LEAVE A BAG OF CHIPS OUT ON THE PICNIC TABLE AND IT SITS THERE IN THE MORNING SUN... YOU WAKE UP WITH A HANGOVER AND YOU'RE ABOUT TO EAT ANYTHING AROUND... SO YOU PICK UP THE CHIPS THAT ARE WARM FROM THE SUN AND YOU EAT THEM AND THEY TASTE STALE AND THEY'RE GROSSLY WARM, AND THE ONLY REASON YOU'RE EATING THEM IS FOR SOME SORT OF SUSTINENCE? THIS IS WHAT THESE CHIPS ARE LIKE. THEY'RE FUCKING MICROWAVED PLAIN CHIPS, AND THEY TASTE EXACTLY LIKE THAT. YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ANYBODY TIM. THEY DON'T TASTE LIKE THEY WERE JUST CUT, AND FRIED FRESH IN THE BACK. THEY TASTE LIKE YOU OPENED UP SOME PLAIN MISS VICKIES CHIPS, NUKED AND..... I MEAN FOR FUCK SAKES GOD FUCKING DAMNIT THEY ARE AWFUL. You guys have merged with Burger King recently.... I'm sure they have some spare deep fryers to throw your way because YOU NEED THEM YOU STUPID SHIT. YOUR HASHBROWNS ARE AWFUL TOO. YOU CAN'T JUST MICROWAVE ALREADY FRIED POTATO PRODUCT. WHY MUST YOU BUILD ME UP, JUST TO KNOCK ME DOWN. THIS WAS ALMOST A PERFECT LUNCH.

Triple O's Original Cheeseburger

I swear I used to like Triple-O burgers! I'm not sure if something was changed, but somebody needs to call the texture police because this entire sandwich is SOFTER THAN DRAKE. Not possible you say? LET ME EXPLAIN. First off, we start with the meat. I'm not sure if it's ground very fine from the factory, but it has a very SOFT texture. The cheese slice is a SOFT processed cheese slice. Next, the tomato is just a tomato, SOFT as fuck as usual. The lettuce would be your final chance to add some crunch here, but instead of whole leaves, it's shredded lettuce, which again, is SOFT. The bun is a nice SOFT fresh baked bun, but since it's lacking sesame seeds, it AGAIN has not much texture. EVERY INGREDIENT I LISTED ON THIS BURGER IS SOFT, AND WHEN YOU PUT IT ALL TOGETHER, IT'S LIKE BITING INTO A BURGER FLAVORED GIANT MARSHMALLOW. I'm serious. This burger was lacking in texture so much that I didn't even finish it. ME... FAST FOOD JOSH... DID NOT FINISH THIS BURGER. THAT'S NOT RIGHT. I'M FAST FOOD JOSH. I FUCKING FINISH BURGERS. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...

Carl's Jr. Western Bacon Cheeseburger

Often imitated but never duplicated, the Western Bacon Cheeseburger is a delicious CHAMPION. It's so damn good. I'm sure you've had other burgers that have BBQ sauce and onion rings on them... But they're usually on the value menu or something, and they never taste that good. THIS sandwich though, is fucktastic in a great way. I'm pretty sure Carl's Jr. are the original creators of this type of burger, and it shows through like the nips of a braless hippie lady wearing an organic hemp t-shirt on a cool spring morning. Yes... it's QUITE EASY TO SEE that Carl's Jr. KNOW WHAT THE HELL THEY'RE DOING with the Western Bacon Cheeseburger. The BBQ sauce is a bit sweet, but very smokey, and it compliments the sandwich so well. It seeps into the breading of the onion rings, yet they still keep their crunchy texture. The onions themselves are succulent, and the cheese and bacon just adds a richness that ties the whole sandwich together. Yes... Carl will once again, leave you completely satisfied in bed. I mean, only if you're eating your burger in bed. Oh Carl... I love you!

McDonalds Bacon Ranch Junior Chicken & Double Cheeseburger
Hey everybody, looks like you're in luck today! I'm not only reviewing one sandwich, but I'm reviewing two sandwiches at the same time! I hope that's okay with you?! Actually, it's my blog, so I can do whatever I want! WHO are YOU to say that I can't write whatever I WANT on MY BLOG? Do you think I even care about your opinion anyways? WHY SHOULD I? I'M THE ONE WHO DOES ALL THE HARD WORK AROUND HERE WRITING THESE BLOGS.... IF I WANT TO PUT TWO BURGERS IN ONE POST, THAN GOD DAMMIT I'M GONNA DO THAT. YOU CAN'T STOP ME. YOU DON'T PAY THE INTERNET BILLS AROUND HERE! MAYBE I'LL JUST TYPE IN BOLDFACE FROM NOW ON. YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF IF YOU THINK THAT'S A PROBLEM. MAYBE NEXT TIME I'LL REVIEW THREE BURGERS AT ONCE AND THEN POST IT ON A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WEBSITE. MAYBE I'LL JUST START REVIEWING CAT PAJAMAS AND I WON'T EVEN CHANGE THE NAME OF MY BLOG. YOU'LL OPEN UP FAST FOOD JOSH AND THERE'LL BE FUCKING CAT PAJAMAS EVERYWHERE. IS MY BLOG MALFUNCTIONING? NO!!! GO FUCK YOURSELF.

Carl's Jr. Sourdough Breakfast Sandwich

This breakfast sandwich is, hands down, THE GREATEST. FUCKING. BREAKFAST. SANDWICH. EVER. People say "Good Morning" all the time because apparently it's a common phrase. I SAY NO MORE! You have not had a "Good Morning" until you've had this magical foodstuff. If your morning doesn't start with a Sourdough Breakfast Sandwich from Carl's Jr.... THEN YOU'RE MORNING IS BAD. IT'S A BAD MORNING. WELCOME TO YOUR SAD EXISTENCE. Except me. I had a good morning, oh lordy did I ever. Imagine biting into this sandwich for a minute with me. The sourdough bread is perfectly toasted, yet still has a lovely softness to it. It's lightly buttered, and houses a scrambled egg, and your choice of ham, bacon, or sausage. Oh... and what else is in there? Cheese? TWO SLICES OF CHEESE? A SLICE OF CHEDDAR AND A SLICE OF SWISS? YES. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT IS ALSO BETWEEN THESE SOURDOUGHS.............. Did you just imagine that inside of your brain? Did you just wet your pants? Wow. That good huh... When you take a breakfast sandwich and place it in sourdough, you are bringing it to the next level. But when you include two slices of different cheese as well, YOU ARE GOING TO THE MOON FOREVER. I highly suggest that ALL fast food restaurants adopt the sourdough option. It transforms the sandwich. Jack In The Box has a sourdough burger and it's DELIGHTFUL. Could you imagine a sourdough Big Mac? I can. I think I'm getting a tad too excited here. Regardless. If you can make it to a Carl's Jr. in the morning please do. But I would avoid their hashbrowns. They're those small little circle ones just like BK's. And they suck, just like BK's. Just get their awesome fries instead. Or maybe even... TWO SOURDOUGH SANDWICHES. omg...

BK Whopper Chz & Buffalo Chicken Strips
Everybody needs to eat more Whoppers, because you will have a happier life. SHORTER, but HAPPIER. It's HUGE. Not like, tall from toppings. IT HAS A BIG CIRCUMFERENCE. IT FEELS LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO BITE INTO A TRUCK TIRE, WHICH IS SO. DAMNED. SATISFYING. You always have to re-arrange this burger too, because all the veggies are chucked into the center and the mayo and ketchup is just slopped on top. But that's the beauty of it. It's a big sloppy dirty mess, but it tastes delicious. It's like eating your fat drunk uncle Rick.... except he tastes LIKE A DELICIOUS FLAME BROILED WHOPPER. The best part is that because it's so wide, the Whopper needs 2 cheese slices, because one is too small for this sexy babe. WHOPPERS: FUCK YEAH.
Okay... Onto the Buffalo Chicken Strips... GO FUCK YOURSELF. YOU RUINED MY EXPERIENCE TODAY. YOU MADE ME FORGET ABOUT HOW AWESOME MY WHOPPER WAS, BECAUSE YOU WERE SO SHITTY. IT'S NOT OFTEN I DON'T FINISH SOMETHING... BUT I THREW YOU IN THE GARBAGE. The picture looked so amaaaaaaazing. It looked like the buffalo flavor was actually infused into the coating, and cooked with it. BUT NO! They took mediocre chicken strips, and poured AWFUL, NOT SPICY, COLD BUFFALO SAUCE ONTO THEM. It made the chicken cold, and this was some tasteless fucking garbage sauce. This made me so mad. Especially because BK's chicken sandwiches are usually delicious! I WAS EXPECTING MORE! LISTEN UP "THE KING"... QUIT BEING A MISLEADING KING. RULE YOUR TASTY KINGDOM WITH TASTINESS... NOT MISLEADING PICTURES AND INCONSISTENT CHICKEN. STICK TO WHOPPERS, BECAUSE THEY ARE THE BEST.

Arby's Smokehouse Brisket Sandwich
I originally wasn't going to write anything in here again because nobody reads it lol... BUT. WHEN I BIT INTO THIS SANDWICH, I KNEW I HAD TO SPREAD THE WORD TO THE FEW PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY READ THIS... BECAUSE YOU NEED TO FUCKING EAT THIS SANDWICH RIGHT NOW. Whatever useless shit you're doing right now, you need to stop it, and go get this sandwich. I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE GIVING BIRTH TO A BABY. TELL YOUR HUSBAND OR BABY DADDY TO GO GET YOU THIS SANDWICH. You'll be so fucking blown away by the taste, that when the baby pops out, YOU'LL NAME IT ARBY. Honestly... This brisket is actually smoked for 13 hours. That's some fancy smokehouse bullshit! The meat is so juicy and smoky and tender it's amazing. But to make it better, they cover it with crunchy fried onions, creamy mayo and tangy BBQ sauce, and then drop that sexy meat onto THE SOFTEST brioche bun you ever did eat. THIS WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. This is one of the best sandwiches I have ever eaten. Don't deny yourself of this privilege, or you will hate yourself forever. I'M THINKING ARBY'S MOTHERFUCKER. I am gonna go eat another one omg. 

Carl's Jr. Original Thickburger 
YEAH. YOU FUCKING READ THAT RIGHT. CARL'S JR. I'm not in America either. THEY'VE FRANCHISED INTO CANADA. I've heard there's been a couple open in BC for a bit now, but they've finally ventured into Alberta. Weird locations really though... Nothing in the big cities yet. First one was in Grande Prairie, and the most recent addition was Spruce Grove, just west of Edmonton. Luckily for me, I was in Edmonton when I heard the news. I WAS SO EXCITED I raced over, only to find a lineup of over 50 people. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU....
Now I admit, I had my doubts from the start, and wasn't sure if it was worth the wait. Every time I've ventured into the States I'll usually go to Jack in the Box and Carl's to get food unavailable to us deprived Canucks... And every time, Jack in the Box FUCKING RULES and Carl's has always DISAPPOINTED. It was never fresh. Now I figured this was just due to lazy american employees, and not the food itself, and I figured a Canadian franchise would probably do it better. Boy was I right...
THIS BURGER WAS MESSIER THAN A GARBAGE DUMP BUT MOST LIKELY A BAJILLION TIMES MORE TASTY. (I think... Never really tasted a garbage dump, but I imagine it's pretty gross. Could be wrong?) IT WAS SO DELICIOUS. You know when you see videos of dolphins jumping out of the ocean in happiness, with their friends, doing flips, and making sounds of rejoice? THAT'S HOW MY FUCKING TASTEBUDS FELT. THEY WANTED TO BURST FROM THE CONFINES OF MY MOUTH AND SCREAM, THANK YOU JESUS. Like... You can see how much sauce is overflowing, and that's before I've even touched it. First bite was like BLAM I had MUSTARD HANDS, I was MUSTARD MAN. I actually had to use every napkin they gave me, by the time I finished. Being messy is one of their prides though, it even says so on the receipt! Totally worth it though. The Thickburger is; naturally; a thicker patty. Charbroiled dark, but still juicy. Every Thickburger comes on a special fresh made bun. Pretty sure it's a Brioche, chewy and a bit sweet... soft and seductive... IT'S A GOOD BUN BRO. The veg was all fresh and crisp. The cheese, while melty, had more texture than most processed slices. It was quite nice. ALL AROUND FANTASTIC BURGER. The fries I ordered were the "Crisscut" fries, which are basically a seasoned waffle fry. Also, crispy and delicious. I'm excited to try out more at Carl's, but until they open more locations here, I imagine my experiences will be few and far between (single tear drops from my eye). Hopefully the expansion shall be quick though because this meal was OFF THE CHAIN. Carl's Jr in Canada does way better than it's home counterparts. Maybe America should care more about SERVING QUALITY FAST FOOD. STEP YOUR GAME UP, MINIMUM WAGE EMPLOYEES. YOU MAY NOT BE PAID WELL, BUT YOU'RE REPRESENTING AMERICA and right now CANADA is beating you at your own game. THANKS OBAMA.

This is how to treat Subway.

Harvey's Fish Sandwich
Well here's another fucking bland attempt at a fish sandwich. This sucks. Just like Wendy's, you're all hyped up on it being some fancy ass "North Atlantic Cod", but I'd rather drown in the North Atlantic than eat this sandwich again. I didn't even take a real picture of it because I don't wanna hurt your eyes, damn... For real though, no hate Harvs. It actually looked just like this. It was all fresh and good quality just like Harvey's always is; but there's just no flavor. It seems to be the issue every time a fast food place, other than McDonalds, tries a fish sandwich. BK's is alright actually, but still not amazing. Wendy's was wack too. So I really can't sit here and hate on Harvey's right now, because it's all of ya'll that can't do it (except you Ronald)... Maybe it's actually a science on how to make a good fish sandwich... And everybody knows you gotta go to school to become a scientist... Which means that Ronald McDonald must be a scientist in order to have perfected the fish sandwich... And he's also A CLOWN....Which means he must have went to CLOWN COLLEGE... WHICH MEANS THAT WENDY, AND HARVEY, AND THE KING HIMSELF MUST ENROLL IN FUCKING CLOWN COLLEGE IN ORDER TO LEARN HOW TO MAKE A GOOD FISH SANDWICH... DO IT NOW YA BUSTA ASSES.

Tim Horton's Crispy Chicken Sandwich
Alright so I normally don't do Timmies, because to me; it doesn't really fit into the "fast food" status. I mean, yeah... they got a drive thru and your food comes in paper bags and shit... but it's mostly a coffee/donut shop, although they do have a lot of food selections. I dunno. they're kind of fast food. Fuckin decide on your own JESUS. Anyways... This is the first time they've ventured into a burger-style sandwich. Crispy chicken filet on a round bun? That's a mah-fuckin chicken burger Tims. And all I gotta say is WHAT THE FUCK. REAL GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION YOU CANADIAN IDIOTS. This sandwich is so fucking shitty it pisses me off. I mean, the bun and the veggies and all that shit are fine. It's hard for a bakery to fuck up a bun, realtalk. But hot fuck, the piece of chicken RUINS EVERYTHING MOM, YOU RUINED EVERYTHING. You know when your mom was like, gonna make chicken fingers at home in the oven, and you were like fuck... I hate those... but your mom is like wtf Billy, you love them at Burger King. Well that's because there's a big difference. Chicken strips at fast food are white meat (mostly), and deep fried to get em crispy and juicy... But OVEN CHICKEN FINGERS ARE WACK... They're always that shitty ass meat breaded in fucking brown gravel, and then stuck in the oven to evaporate any juices that were left over, and they taste like how an oven smells. THEY SUCK. Well this is what that tastes like. CHEAP OVEN CHICKEN RETARD FINGERS IN A BUN. Tim; The reason why you can't do this, is because you're a fucking donut shop. You DON'T have fryers. You DON'T have a grill. You've got fucking microwaves, toasters, soup-keep-warmers, and an oven for baking half-baked donuts. Stick to food that can be prepared there. Don't even bother getting fryers or grills either because your employees are mostly too retarded to use those. Anybody ever order a bagel from Tims? HAVE YOU EVER HAD YOUR FUCKING CREAM CHEESE SPREAD AROUND PROPERLY? PROBABLY NOT. UGH I'M SO MAD. FUCK YOU TIM HORTON. 

McDonalds Steak 'N Caesar McWrap
Alright, so if you've read my previous post about the McDonald's Steak and Egg Bagel, you'll know that I HATED IT. It was awful. But... not exactly because of the steak. I hated it because their bagels are always HARD AS FUCK like Ghostface Killa, but not in a good way. If I remember, I enjoyed the steak part; but only after removing it from the bagel. I said if they woulda put it in their english muffin or something, it'd be good. WELP, they brought it back again with their shitty bagel, but also in wrap form! Unfortunately it's BLAND AS FUCK like a Toyota Camry. Even the steak part is fucking lame. It just tastes like a piece of burger patty. It's definitely not just regular ground beef... But it doesn't taste as good as last time. I imagine last time it was better simply because of the STEAK SAUCE... WHICH THEY DON'T PUT ON THIS. Instead, they put this basic ass caesar sauce, and throw some fucking lettuce, parmesan, and their signature "hard as fucking plastic with no goddamn taste" bacon. Seriously. McDonalds has no idea what the fuck bacon is. Their bacon is the worst bacon ever like, holy shit. HOW DOES AN AMERICAN LEGEND FUCK UP THE THING THAT MAKES YOU ALL SO FUCKING FAT. LEARN BACON. Also... Stay the fuck away from steak until you learn to use it. Both of your steak items are hella shitty. Stupid ass clown. Stick to your delicious cheeseburgers.

Mucho Burrito Chorizo Burrito
Holy shit I feel like I just ate a mexican baby. MUCHO BURRITO is a literal term. I MEAN LOOK AT THIS THING. IT'S THE SAME CIRCUMFERENCE AS MY DIET DP. I probably have black beans still in my esophagus. They have nowhere to go... I'M GONNA POP. This is only the medium too. Like wtf. It weighs like 2 pounds. ANYWAYS. Not only is it big, but it's fucking delicious. Mucho Burrito is so legit, goddamn. It's like Subway, but not a bunch of fuckhead sandwich fartists serving second-hand-meat, garbagefuck green not-ripe tomatoes, overcooked microwaved bread, AND WHY DO SUBWAYS CUPS MAKE ALL YOUR DRINKS TASTE LIKE THE WAY THEIR AIR SMELLS...FUCK I HATE SUBWAY... Whoa... Kay, back on point. It's like Subway in the sense that you get to choose everything end to end. Small to XL, white/brown tortilla, white/seasoned rice, black/brown beans, which salsa, and which delicious...MARINATED...SLOW COOKED MEAT. Oh man. I had the Chorizo and it was damn good. You get to make it however you want, and they put it together perfectly. Like... For a burrito that looks, and weighs similar to a cruise missile, it's doesn't explode like one. Front to back, it never fell apart once. The only thing explosive about this was the flavor (LOL CHEESY PUN). But really, there's a reason why Mucho Burrito has been opening up more locations all over. This blows Taco Time out of the water. Never Taco Bell though... But only because Taco Bell is like it's own genre of food; Americanized Mexican. Like... Taco Bell is nothing like any food you'd get in mexico lol. BUT THAT'S WHY WE LOVE IT. DORITOS LOCOS TACO??? THAT IS LOCO, COMPADRE! So I mean, if you got a Taco Bell craving, this won't quench that thirst... But if you want authentic tasting mexican fast food, go here man. I think the only reason to go to Taco Time now, is for their amazing Crisp Meat Burrito; and also because there's a lot more locations. MUCHO BURRITO THO... If you get the chance, go here and eat. Order a small burrito though because they're filling as fuck.  You gotta be like... John Goodman and Rosie O'Donnell put together, to finish the XL burrito (LOL, HALF THE CAST OF THAT HORRIBLE FLINTSTONES MOVIE) God damn that was a bad movie...

KFC Big Crunch Tower
I forgot to take a picture of this sandwich, so I had to use this photo. The reason why I forgot, is because I WAS SO EXCITED. This sandwich is BIG AND BEAUTIFUL. Oh lord does it deliver as well. The picture above is the standard version, but I got the ZINGER version, which is their spicy zinger sauce in place of the mayo. I have to say, I have not been so impressed in a while. They took a regular Big Crunch, and added ketchup, cheese, AND A HASHBROWN PATTY. YEAH... Wasn't expecting that. I also wasn't expecting how well it would acutally compliment everything. There is so much texture going on in here. So much flavor. So much everything. For some reason though, it's not TOO much to finish. It's perfect! You'd think all the fried food and creamy sauce would be way too rich... and it should be... but it isn't. MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE MAN. This sandwich is up there with the Double Down and the Cheddar Bacon Uncle Burger. This sandwich is so good it makes me want to rap about it... UH... Yeah... Drop the beat son... Yo, yo, yo... This sandwich rules, you better fuckin eat it fools, Big Crunch Tower bitch, gonna make you lose your cools. Motherfuckin Chicken has a hat of Hashbrown, tastes so good, You better bring your cash down! KFC bitch, gonna own the human race, Colonel Sanders out his grave, gonna PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE. PEACE. I'M OUT. TELL THAT EMINEM CHUMP 8 MILE SUCKED MY DICK. WORD.

^WHOA. THIS GUY'S A FUCKIN' IDIOT^
Can't believe I just reviewed that piece of shit twice, because I'm too retarded to look at the last thing I posted. HURR DURR. Thank god nobody actually reads this shit.

BK's Pulled Pork Sandwich w/ Sweet Potato Fries
Well I'm not too sure why I haven't posted in this blog for 2 months... Maybe I got bored of it... Maybe I forgot... Who fuckin cares though because I'm back with a DOOZY. That's right, a FUCKING DOOZY. I've never used that word in my entire fucking life, and this sandwich deserves the title. IT'S STRAIGHT UP DISGUSTING. I've never met a fast food burger that I couldn't finish, due to taste, but HERE IT IS. Firstly, I don't know if you've had pulled pork before, but it's pretty damn good. It's suposed to look like uneven strips and strands of pork slathered in BBQ sauce. It's amazing. This, however, IS A SLOPPY PORK PUCK. It's pork and sauce that's been smushed into some sort of slab, and then for some reason, they put MORE bbq sauce on it, and this fucking weird ass yellow "cool creamy" sauce. This makes it so drippy and sloppy, it makes you feel like you're CHEWING PUDDING. Also, WHAT IN THE FUCK IS COOL CREAMY SAUCE. DID YOU GUYS HAVE A FLAVOR IN MIND? IS IT MADE OF SOMETHING? WHAT THE FUCK IS IT. IT LOOKS LIKE HOMER SIMPSON'S JIZZ.  Honestly, the flavors coming from this burger are alright, and it's put onto their awesome new bun (which can be found on their chicken sandwiches now), BUT THE TEXTURE AND THE SLOP JUST DOESN'T FLY MAN. Also, the sweet potato fries are pretty much just "average". That's the only word to describe them. I mean... I'll give Kudos to the King for trying out something completely left field. I've never seen any other fast food pulled pork; but that's probably because they couldn't make it work. Guess what Burger King, NEITHER CAN YOU. THIS IS GOD AWFUL. PLEASE DON'T HURT ME ANYMORE. =(

BK's Pulled Pork and Sweet Potato Fries
Yeah... WTF right? What a fucking weird item to jump onto BK's menu. I had my hopes up too. I love me some BK, and I love me some new items. I really have to give Burger King kudos for bringing something different to the table. I must warn you though, because THIS SHIT IS GOD AWFUL. I'm serious. I always do my best to finish a sandwich, even if I don't really like it. I mean, I hated the Wendy's fish sandwich, but it was still edible. This sandwich is actually unedible. There is NO texture. It's a dog-food-esque texture of meat, and then it's slathered with this yellow shit sauce that makes this sandwich even fucking sloppier, and then they put some onions on it. You try to eat it, and the meat oozes out all of the sides. It doesn't even taste good either. I actually didn't even finish more than 3 bites of this sandwich. The sweet potato fries are okay. Pretty mediocre, so I wouldn't even bother trying them. Literally the only good thing about the sandwich, is the bun. BK just unleashed their new bun, and it's soft and chewy and tasty as hell. But this pulled pork ruins any chances of you enjoying this meal. It is SO BAD. HOLY SHIT. I'm still so mad I spent my money on this, and didn't ask for it back. Wow... My suggestion is to avoid this thing at all fucking costs. Even if you are a homeless person and somebody gives you one, just throw it away. Don't even try to eat this fuckshow. If you wanna try the new bun, it comes on their Tendergrill chicken sandwiches now. Definitely have to try one of those with this new bun.... For real though, if you have big enough balls to try this sandwich, please tell me what you think of it. I might try it again if everybody tells me they liked it. Maybe I just got a bad one???  NOBODY KNOWS. Holla at me on facebook, or comment below if you've tried this shit. Let me know what you think baby baby.