Subway Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki Sub

Look at this delicious sandwich... YEAH JUST KIDDING FUCK THIS PIECE OF SHIT GARBAGE ASS EXCUSE FOR FOOD. Every time I eat Subway, it's one of those last resort situations where it's the only thing around, and everything else is a lightyear away. It sucks too, because even though it's YOU telling them how to make your sub, and you're as specific as possible, THEY STILL FUCK IT UP... So this time I decided to go there for the sake of a review. I wanted to order like a normal person would order, instead of guiding the "Sandwich artist" like a little baby, and telling them "Lightly toasted please... No, take it out at halftime... HALF THE FUCKING TIME. A little lettuce please... NO, A LITTLE, NOT A LOT. FUCK." Yep. This time, I wanted to order a really common flavor, let her toast it until she sees fit, let her decide how much toppings the sub needed, and order a footlong, because everybody in line always does. "One footlong SOCT on Italian please! OK U VANNA TOASTED WITH VITE CHEES? Sure." She proceeds to put cardboard trays of chicken in one microwave, and the bread in a bigger microwave, YUM! Bread comes out, and I can already see the edges look like toasty razor blades. She pulls out the chicken and plops it onto the bread "LETTUCE TOMATO? Sure!" She then proceeds to grab A POUND OF FUCKING LETTUCE, and the most unripe tomato slices and puts them on top. "U VANT ANY OTHER TOPPING? Yes, black olives, and pickles. VAT SAUCE U WANT? Um, Sweet Onion(shouldn't that be a given on this sub), and Southwest Chipotle(I admit, that sauce is damn delicious)." She squirts the sauce on, crushes down all the fucking lettuce so she can close this bitch, and hands it over. NEAT. I pay, get my drink and cookies, and head to my van to chowdown. First thing I notice, and can never get past, is that their chicken has the firmness of jello; NOT THE TEXTURE YOU EXPECT FROM MEAT. Besides the texture though, I admit it doesn't taste horrible, but there is lettuce FUCKING EVERYWHERE. My eatspace looks like hurricane Katrina just ripped through a goddamn cabbage patch. Oh well. One half finished, and I'm doing alright. I start eating the second half, and I'm almost done, when I get this horrible feeling in my stomach. TOO MUCH CHUBWAY. AND OF COURSE, I get down the end of the sub, and it's a fucking write-off, because it's too goddamn toasted and dried out. BREAD CRUMBS FUCKING EVERYWHERE. Whatever though. I'm sure this is all falling on deaf ears, because apparently everybody wants to suck Jared's dick. There's more Subways than McDonalds in the world now. YOU ALL HAVE BAD TASTE, FUCKERS. Quiznos is better ANY DAY. The only good thing about Subway is their cookies, and Southwest Chipotle sauce. Also, it's pretty cheap if you're a poor ass dickbutt. FUCK YOU SUBWAY, PEACE.