Tim Horton's Crispy Chicken Sandwich
Alright so I normally don't do Timmies, because to me; it doesn't really fit into the "fast food" status. I mean, yeah... they got a drive thru and your food comes in paper bags and shit... but it's mostly a coffee/donut shop, although they do have a lot of food selections. I dunno. they're kind of fast food. Fuckin decide on your own JESUS. Anyways... This is the first time they've ventured into a burger-style sandwich. Crispy chicken filet on a round bun? That's a mah-fuckin chicken burger Tims. And all I gotta say is WHAT THE FUCK. REAL GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION YOU CANADIAN IDIOTS. This sandwich is so fucking shitty it pisses me off. I mean, the bun and the veggies and all that shit are fine. It's hard for a bakery to fuck up a bun, realtalk. But hot fuck, the piece of chicken RUINS EVERYTHING MOM, YOU RUINED EVERYTHING. You know when your mom was like, gonna make chicken fingers at home in the oven, and you were like fuck... I hate those... but your mom is like wtf Billy, you love them at Burger King. Well that's because there's a big difference. Chicken strips at fast food are white meat (mostly), and deep fried to get em crispy and juicy... But OVEN CHICKEN FINGERS ARE WACK... They're always that shitty ass meat breaded in fucking brown gravel, and then stuck in the oven to evaporate any juices that were left over, and they taste like how an oven smells. THEY SUCK. Well this is what that tastes like. CHEAP OVEN CHICKEN RETARD FINGERS IN A BUN. Tim; The reason why you can't do this, is because you're a fucking donut shop. You DON'T have fryers. You DON'T have a grill. You've got fucking microwaves, toasters, soup-keep-warmers, and an oven for baking half-baked donuts. Stick to food that can be prepared there. Don't even bother getting fryers or grills either because your employees are mostly too retarded to use those. Anybody ever order a bagel from Tims? HAVE YOU EVER HAD YOUR FUCKING CREAM CHEESE SPREAD AROUND PROPERLY? PROBABLY NOT. UGH I'M SO MAD. FUCK YOU TIM HORTON. 

McDonalds Steak 'N Caesar McWrap
Alright, so if you've read my previous post about the McDonald's Steak and Egg Bagel, you'll know that I HATED IT. It was awful. But... not exactly because of the steak. I hated it because their bagels are always HARD AS FUCK like Ghostface Killa, but not in a good way. If I remember, I enjoyed the steak part; but only after removing it from the bagel. I said if they woulda put it in their english muffin or something, it'd be good. WELP, they brought it back again with their shitty bagel, but also in wrap form! Unfortunately it's BLAND AS FUCK like a Toyota Camry. Even the steak part is fucking lame. It just tastes like a piece of burger patty. It's definitely not just regular ground beef... But it doesn't taste as good as last time. I imagine last time it was better simply because of the STEAK SAUCE... WHICH THEY DON'T PUT ON THIS. Instead, they put this basic ass caesar sauce, and throw some fucking lettuce, parmesan, and their signature "hard as fucking plastic with no goddamn taste" bacon. Seriously. McDonalds has no idea what the fuck bacon is. Their bacon is the worst bacon ever like, holy shit. HOW DOES AN AMERICAN LEGEND FUCK UP THE THING THAT MAKES YOU ALL SO FUCKING FAT. LEARN BACON. Also... Stay the fuck away from steak until you learn to use it. Both of your steak items are hella shitty. Stupid ass clown. Stick to your delicious cheeseburgers.

Mucho Burrito Chorizo Burrito
Holy shit I feel like I just ate a mexican baby. MUCHO BURRITO is a literal term. I MEAN LOOK AT THIS THING. IT'S THE SAME CIRCUMFERENCE AS MY DIET DP. I probably have black beans still in my esophagus. They have nowhere to go... I'M GONNA POP. This is only the medium too. Like wtf. It weighs like 2 pounds. ANYWAYS. Not only is it big, but it's fucking delicious. Mucho Burrito is so legit, goddamn. It's like Subway, but not a bunch of fuckhead sandwich fartists serving second-hand-meat, garbagefuck green not-ripe tomatoes, overcooked microwaved bread, AND WHY DO SUBWAYS CUPS MAKE ALL YOUR DRINKS TASTE LIKE THE WAY THEIR AIR SMELLS...FUCK I HATE SUBWAY... Whoa... Kay, back on point. It's like Subway in the sense that you get to choose everything end to end. Small to XL, white/brown tortilla, white/seasoned rice, black/brown beans, which salsa, and which delicious...MARINATED...SLOW COOKED MEAT. Oh man. I had the Chorizo and it was damn good. You get to make it however you want, and they put it together perfectly. Like... For a burrito that looks, and weighs similar to a cruise missile, it's doesn't explode like one. Front to back, it never fell apart once. The only thing explosive about this was the flavor (LOL CHEESY PUN). But really, there's a reason why Mucho Burrito has been opening up more locations all over. This blows Taco Time out of the water. Never Taco Bell though... But only because Taco Bell is like it's own genre of food; Americanized Mexican. Like... Taco Bell is nothing like any food you'd get in mexico lol. BUT THAT'S WHY WE LOVE IT. DORITOS LOCOS TACO??? THAT IS LOCO, COMPADRE! So I mean, if you got a Taco Bell craving, this won't quench that thirst... But if you want authentic tasting mexican fast food, go here man. I think the only reason to go to Taco Time now, is for their amazing Crisp Meat Burrito; and also because there's a lot more locations. MUCHO BURRITO THO... If you get the chance, go here and eat. Order a small burrito though because they're filling as fuck.  You gotta be like... John Goodman and Rosie O'Donnell put together, to finish the XL burrito (LOL, HALF THE CAST OF THAT HORRIBLE FLINTSTONES MOVIE) God damn that was a bad movie...

KFC Big Crunch Tower
I forgot to take a picture of this sandwich, so I had to use this photo. The reason why I forgot, is because I WAS SO EXCITED. This sandwich is BIG AND BEAUTIFUL. Oh lord does it deliver as well. The picture above is the standard version, but I got the ZINGER version, which is their spicy zinger sauce in place of the mayo. I have to say, I have not been so impressed in a while. They took a regular Big Crunch, and added ketchup, cheese, AND A HASHBROWN PATTY. YEAH... Wasn't expecting that. I also wasn't expecting how well it would acutally compliment everything. There is so much texture going on in here. So much flavor. So much everything. For some reason though, it's not TOO much to finish. It's perfect! You'd think all the fried food and creamy sauce would be way too rich... and it should be... but it isn't. MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE MAN. This sandwich is up there with the Double Down and the Cheddar Bacon Uncle Burger. This sandwich is so good it makes me want to rap about it... UH... Yeah... Drop the beat son... Yo, yo, yo... This sandwich rules, you better fuckin eat it fools, Big Crunch Tower bitch, gonna make you lose your cools. Motherfuckin Chicken has a hat of Hashbrown, tastes so good, You better bring your cash down! KFC bitch, gonna own the human race, Colonel Sanders out his grave, gonna PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE. PEACE. I'M OUT. TELL THAT EMINEM CHUMP 8 MILE SUCKED MY DICK. WORD.

^WHOA. THIS GUY'S A FUCKIN' IDIOT^
Can't believe I just reviewed that piece of shit twice, because I'm too retarded to look at the last thing I posted. HURR DURR. Thank god nobody actually reads this shit.

BK's Pulled Pork Sandwich w/ Sweet Potato Fries
Well I'm not too sure why I haven't posted in this blog for 2 months... Maybe I got bored of it... Maybe I forgot... Who fuckin cares though because I'm back with a DOOZY. That's right, a FUCKING DOOZY. I've never used that word in my entire fucking life, and this sandwich deserves the title. IT'S STRAIGHT UP DISGUSTING. I've never met a fast food burger that I couldn't finish, due to taste, but HERE IT IS. Firstly, I don't know if you've had pulled pork before, but it's pretty damn good. It's suposed to look like uneven strips and strands of pork slathered in BBQ sauce. It's amazing. This, however, IS A SLOPPY PORK PUCK. It's pork and sauce that's been smushed into some sort of slab, and then for some reason, they put MORE bbq sauce on it, and this fucking weird ass yellow "cool creamy" sauce. This makes it so drippy and sloppy, it makes you feel like you're CHEWING PUDDING. Also, WHAT IN THE FUCK IS COOL CREAMY SAUCE. DID YOU GUYS HAVE A FLAVOR IN MIND? IS IT MADE OF SOMETHING? WHAT THE FUCK IS IT. IT LOOKS LIKE HOMER SIMPSON'S JIZZ.  Honestly, the flavors coming from this burger are alright, and it's put onto their awesome new bun (which can be found on their chicken sandwiches now), BUT THE TEXTURE AND THE SLOP JUST DOESN'T FLY MAN. Also, the sweet potato fries are pretty much just "average". That's the only word to describe them. I mean... I'll give Kudos to the King for trying out something completely left field. I've never seen any other fast food pulled pork; but that's probably because they couldn't make it work. Guess what Burger King, NEITHER CAN YOU. THIS IS GOD AWFUL. PLEASE DON'T HURT ME ANYMORE. =(

BK's Pulled Pork and Sweet Potato Fries
Yeah... WTF right? What a fucking weird item to jump onto BK's menu. I had my hopes up too. I love me some BK, and I love me some new items. I really have to give Burger King kudos for bringing something different to the table. I must warn you though, because THIS SHIT IS GOD AWFUL. I'm serious. I always do my best to finish a sandwich, even if I don't really like it. I mean, I hated the Wendy's fish sandwich, but it was still edible. This sandwich is actually unedible. There is NO texture. It's a dog-food-esque texture of meat, and then it's slathered with this yellow shit sauce that makes this sandwich even fucking sloppier, and then they put some onions on it. You try to eat it, and the meat oozes out all of the sides. It doesn't even taste good either. I actually didn't even finish more than 3 bites of this sandwich. The sweet potato fries are okay. Pretty mediocre, so I wouldn't even bother trying them. Literally the only good thing about the sandwich, is the bun. BK just unleashed their new bun, and it's soft and chewy and tasty as hell. But this pulled pork ruins any chances of you enjoying this meal. It is SO BAD. HOLY SHIT. I'm still so mad I spent my money on this, and didn't ask for it back. Wow... My suggestion is to avoid this thing at all fucking costs. Even if you are a homeless person and somebody gives you one, just throw it away. Don't even try to eat this fuckshow. If you wanna try the new bun, it comes on their Tendergrill chicken sandwiches now. Definitely have to try one of those with this new bun.... For real though, if you have big enough balls to try this sandwich, please tell me what you think of it. I might try it again if everybody tells me they liked it. Maybe I just got a bad one???  NOBODY KNOWS. Holla at me on facebook, or comment below if you've tried this shit. Let me know what you think baby baby.

McDonalds Spicy Thai McBistro
You know what? I'm getting kind of sick of this whole "McBistro" thing. This whole "McCafe" thing. This whole fucking "McDonalds is for grownups now" thing. It's lame, and they've completely succeeded with the entire grownup atmosphere. It's kind of sad. When's the last time you saw a Ronald McDonald statue, sitting on the bench next to you. Their main man Ronald, is hidden away now, in their past. Now, when you walk into McDonalds, it's McCafe ALL IN YOUR FACE. Try our new gourmet cappuccino! It feels like you're walking into a nice hotel, when you look at the interior design. A central fireplace. Flatscreen TV's with the news playing. Glass mosaic tiles decorate the neutral colored walls... I mean yeah it's kind of nice. But I miss all the bright cheesy colors. The Nintendo 64 game stations. The Cheeseburglar, and that fat purple fuck Grimace. But I also miss all those crazy McFood antics. McPizza! McSpaghetti! That weird non-carbonated "Orange Drink" that tasted like pure sugar! ALL GONE. WE'RE GROWN UPS NOW, AND WE LIKE BISTRO SANDWICHES, AND FANCY COFFEE. MAAAAAN FUCK THAT. Bring back the fun!!! The thing that makes me even more sad... is that as opposed as I am to this McBistro stuff... THIS SANDWICH IS OFF THE CHAIN. SERIOUSLY. IT'S ACUTALLY SPICY, BUT SUPER FLAVORFUL. This should definitely be a full time menu item. The sauce is a delicious sweet and spicy thai sauce. The cucumbers are extremely fresh and crunchy, and those red pepper crisps are a crazy thing I've never even had before! The bun is whole wheat, but soooo soft. Like really... This sandwich is so well put together. The tastes are in perfect harmony. McDonalds should put this on the menu full time, and call it something cheesy like the McThailand. Then, they should get rid of the entire fucking McCafe bullshit, paint the benches teal, yellow, and white again, bring back fucking RONALD MCDONALD, AND HAVE SOME FUN AGAIN. STOP TRYING TO TAKE YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY MCDONALDS. YOUR MASCOT IS A CLOWN.
UPDATE: This was reviewed on the crispy platform. I just ate one with the grilled chicken piece, and it was wack. Kinda tasted fishy? I dunno, maybe one of the filipino cooks had just used the grill to cook up some shrimp for lunch or something, but regardless... get the crispy one for maximum taste.

Wendy's Premium Fish Fillet Sandwich
I don't care if it's premium, THIS SANDWICH IS A PIECE OF SHIT AND TASTES BLAND AND SUCKS ASS. The reason it makes me so upset too, is whenever they bring this limited time sandwich around, they always advertise it to bash the Filet-O-Fish. "Our Premium fish filet sandwich is made with 100% North Pacific Cod. Not like those other places, who don't tell you what kind of fish is going in your sandwich." BOO FUCKING HOO. WHO CARES WHAT KIND OF FISH IS GOING IN A DEEP FRIED FISH STICK. IT'S ALL WHITE FISH. AFTER IT GETS GOD DAMN BREADED, FRIED IN OIL, AND COVERED IN TARTAR SAUCE, YOU CAN'T TELL THE FUCKING DIFFERENCE. YOU CAN'T PICK UP TWO FRIED FISH PATTIES AND BE LIKE, "OH YEP THIS ONES POLLOCK, AND THIS ONES FUCKING COD". Actually. I bet newfies could tell the difference. BUT THEY DON'T COUNT. Seriously. Who cares if there's ten different types of fish in your fucking filet. It's not like it's going to make you sick. You don't go to a sushi bar and hear the waitress say, "Oh u betta be carefur customer-san. U can onree eat 1 type of fish a dayu." DOESN'T HAPPEN. FUCK YOU WENDY'S. Just trying to make MORE PEOPLE PARANOID ABOUT THE FILET-O-FISH. It sucks too, because this sandwich doesn't even hold up the "premium" name. It tastes so fucking bland. The tartar sauce is not as tangy, and there's barely any on there. Instead of tasty cheese, they give you boring lettuce, and the filet doesn't even taste seasoned.  THIS SANDWICH SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS. If anybody out there has tried this sandwich, AND the Filet-O-Fish, and thinks that this one is better... let me know... bitch I'll kill you and your little brother.