Wendy's JBC and Chili Cheese Nachos
If you're a poor person, or a a hobolo, this is the combo for you. Both of these babies came off the VALUE MENU. These two items will ring you up under 4 bucks. CHUMP CHANGE. Hella tasty though. The JBC is a a true taste for value. $1.89 for beef, cheese, smoky bacon, fresh lettuce and tomato, creamy mayo, on a soft bun. SO CHEEEEEP. They're pretty damn good too. I still wish Wendy's would put mustard on their burgers but THAT'S A WHOLE DIFFERENT ISSUE. MUSTARD IS AWESOME. WHY DO YOU IGNORE IT YOU REDHEADED FRECKLE FACE BITCH. IT BELONGS ON BURGERS... Ugh... Anyways. The Chili Cheese Nachos are delicious too. Gonna make you feel like a greaseball, but that's okay, YOU'RE POOR! YOU ARE A GREASEBALL! Eat this shit up. They use the same chili as, well... their chili. It's awesome. their cheese is just a cheese sauce. It's the same sauce they use on their cheesy cheddar burger, which is also on the value menu... SCORE! Apparently you're supposed to eat these nachos with your hands, but if you look at the picture, I dunno how the hell you're gonna eat that shit without a fork. Those nachos are SWIMMING IN CHEESE AND MEAT. IT'S GREAT. One thing though, is this might not fill you up. The value menus sandwiches are obviously pretty small. Nice thing is though, shits so cheap you can just get more. Unless you're actually poor, and you really only have 4 dollars. In that case, ask her for saltine crackers, THEY'RE FREE. PROTIP FOR BUMS. 

McDonalds Bacon McGriddle
There's only one way to describe this sandwich. DAT SHIT CRAY. Seriously. This is a mish-mosh of breakfast flavors all piled on top of eachother. The middle ingredients are pretty standard when it comes to breakfast sandwiches. You got your sausage or bacon, processed cheese, and egg. But all of a sudden SHIT GOES HAYWIRE WHEN YOU HIT THE BUN. IT'S FUCKING HOTCAKES. But these ain't yo mommaz hotcakes. THESE ARE FILLED WITH TINY POCKETS OF SYRUP, AND THEN HAVE THE GOLDEN ARCHES TOASTED INTO THE TOPS (^.^ super kawaiiii). Really though, those buns are BANANAS. not literally, but they're crazy shit. Honestly though, it's a really good sandwich. McDonalds is totally at the top of the game when it comes to breakfast choices. The Mcgriddle, your classic McMuffins, Breakfast burritos (THE BEST), and then your pancake breakfast. A&W is up there too though, because they have the closest you'll get to a homemade breakfast, but still cheap and good as hell. But the McGriddle is as far from classic as you can get. This is some intergalactic shit. It's not something most people could eat on a regular basis... EVEN ME. If you've got the balls to eat these constantly you're probably a space man, OR A FAT FUCK.

Quizno's Steakhouse Beef Dip
BEHOLD. THE KING OF SUB SHOPS. QUIZNOS. I'm telling you. Quizno's is the best fucking place to get a sub EVER. They're pretty much gourmet sandwiches. Every sandwich tastes like all the ingredients were thought out extremely well by scientists and chefs. SCIENCHEFS.  They're the people who create Quizno's sandwiches; and while I know a beef dip isn't the most complicated thing to make, THIS ONE IS THE BEST ONE. Their beef is juicy, covered in stringy mozzarella, peppercorn sauce, and finished with tasty sauteed onions. The bread is hella soft and perfectly toasted in their REAL OVEN, not a fucking shitty gay microwave like assholes SUBWAY over there (dicks). Once this gets out of the oven, the cheese is bubbling and smells so good. You grab some free peppers from the pepper bar and chuck'em in your sandwich basket and then you SIT DOWN AND EAT THIS. The Au Jus is herby, savory, and deliciously meaty. When it soaks into the bread and meat, it's the tastiest, juicest bite you'll have had. THIS SHIT'S JUICIER AND TASTIER THAN YO MOMMA. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH.

TacoTime Crisp Beef Burrito & Mexifries Deluxe
Arriba Arriba Muchachos! It's my first Taco Time review; and this meal made me happier than a beaner in a lowrider. Now, I'm sure you all know how much I love Taco Bell, but I also love Taco Time. I can't say that one is better than the other, because that simply isn't the case. They're 2 completely different styles of food. YES, they're both mexican... but Taco Time leans more towards the authentic style of Mexican fast food, whereas Taco Bell hangs out in the "american cheap sleazy" version of mexican food... BOTH COMPLETELY AWESOME. Onto the food though, I'm sure most of you haven't ever eaten the Crisp Beef Burrito. It's so underrated, and doesn't really get advertisements or nothing, but I'm telling you, that you NEED TO TRY ONE. It's a soft flour tortilla filled with seasoned beef and cheese, and as soon as you order it, they drop it into the fryer so it's hot and fresh as HELL when you get this thing. I'm serious. Be careful when you take your first bite. This shit is like mexican lava. CALIENTE! CALIENTE! Give it a minute to cool down. Also, you gotta wait a minute for them to fry it, because it's fresh. I know that's ALOT of waiting, but it's worth it. Make sure while you're waiting, you fill up a cup of Original Hot Sauce. Once it's ready to go, dip that skinny bitch in the hot sauce and chow down. IT'S SO GOOD. But it won't fill you up because it's a little guy, so you gotta DELUXE YOUR MEXIFRIES. AND DAMN THAT IS A GOOD DECISION. Mexifries are the bomb from the start. Fried tater-tots, WHATS UP!!? Now load it up with cool creamy sour cream, CHEEEESE SAUCE, SEASONED BEEEEEF, and some fresh Pico De Gallo(this shit is the bomb. if u aint know, google that shit chumpass). Now you've got a damn good meal. FUCKING BEEFY ALL OVER. PLUS TACO TIME HAS THE BEST BEEF SEASONING OUT THERE. SOOOO GOOOOOD. Go eat this now if you know what's good for you. If you don't, you'll wake up to a CHUPACABRA EATING YOUR FACE, BECAUSE YOU'RE A JACKASS.

Dairy Queen Double Cheeseburger
Cheap, sloppy, and tasty. That describes this burger perfectly. They're always cheap, and always a good choice. But there's a few things you gotta know. FIRST OF ALL. Those pickles are fucking amazing. Something about DQ's pickles make them hella crunchy, and hella good. SECOND OF ALL. This is another burger where everything is on top of the patties, and there's nothing but meat juice soaked into the bottom bun. In order to make this burger better, open the top bun, grab the patties and flip them over. Now there's ketchup and mustard on the top AND the bottom bun. Super smart. NOW THIRDLY, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY. When you order this shit, tell the cashier that you want these burgers NOT MICROWAVED. That's right. They slap these burgers together real fast, and chuck'em into an industrial microwave for about 8 seconds. Now that doesn't sound like much time, but in an INDUSTRIAL microwave, it is. The bun gets nice and warm, but the fucking cheese melts all over the wrapper, and it just doesn't taste right. Now, when you tell the cashier this, she'll probably look at you like, "UM WAT? WE DON'T MICROWAVE THE BURGERS? WHY U SAY DAT" She won't actually say that... but she'll look like that's what she's thinking. Basically, she doesn't want to walk all the way back to the kitchen and take the effort to tell somebody to make it properly. But make sure she does, or she's a stupid bitch... I have so much angst built up for these burger bitchez... JUST DO WHAT I SAY. I'M THE CUSTOMER AND YOU WORK FOR LIKE, 5 DOLLARS AN HOUR. GOD DAMN... Jesus... Okay so anyways, when you tell them not to microwave this, that forces them to cook the burgers a little longer in the broiler, and then the cheese melts naturally on top of the smoky flame broiled burger. The pickles stay crunchy, and the bun stays soft. I have a feeling alot of people don't like DQ because they're so used to eating their microwaved burgers. BUT YOU CAN FIX THIS. Just tell them how you want it! =) Same thing with Burger King. Tell them you want your burger "off the broiler", and they'll fresh grill your burgers ON THE SPOT. Now... I know this sounds like a little bit of work. You have to do 2 steps to make your burger perfect. But it's worth it, especially since cheeseburgers are 2 for 2.99, and doubles are 2 for 3.99. That's only 2 bucks for a double cheeseburger. Now I knooooooow a McDouble at McD's is only 1.39, but the burgers are way smaller than this. You eat 2 double cheeseburgers from DQ and you should be pretty full. PLUS, YOU CAN GET A BLIZZARD AT THE SAME TIME. AND THOSE ARE THE GREATEST THING EVER. GO GO GO GO GO GO.

A&W Chubby Chicken BLT
Damn right. A&W's finally sprucing up their menu, and they're adding things BY THE TRUCKLOAD. The Chubby chicken burger has now evolved into A TRIPLE TROUBLE. You've got your OG Chubby Chicken, the Chipotle Chubby Chicken, and THIS, the BLT Chubby Chicken. They've also made the Buddy Burgers a PERMANENT ITEM. AWWWW FUCKINGYEAAAAA. Those burgers are TIGHT. The Cheddar Bacon Uncle Burger is still dominating the world, and my heart, as THE BEST BURGER EVER. They've even started to change their fries! YEAH WHAT?!?! It's weird though... Some restaurants have the new fries, and some restaurants, like the one I went to for this meal, still has the old ones. MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MIND MR. ARTHUR AND MR. WRIGHT!!! (that's what A and W stands for in A&W. See! You learned something new! My blog isn't COMPLETELY bullshit. =D ) ANYWAYS. This sandwich is pretty darn good. The chubby patty is perfectly seasoned juicy chicken breast, it's got fresh tomatoes, lettuce, mayo, and tasty tasty bacon, on their new ciabatta bun. The first thing you notice is the soft and chewy ciabatta bun. It's got alot more taste than a plain bun. Cheeseburgers work on a plain sesame bun just fine, because there's so much different flavors on a cheeseburger. There's not as many condiments on a chicken burger, so the addition of a fancy bun totally makes things good. This burger really does taste like a scrumptious ass BLT with juicy chicken in the middle. It works together SOOOO GOOD. My only complaint, is that it needed more mayo. As the only condiment on this sandwich, you need more than a small layer of creamy delicious MAYONNAAAAAAAAISE. I FUCKING LOVE MAYONNAISE. OH MAN. Maybe it's just me that needs extra mayo, because I love it so much. But you really can't go wrong getting a little extra. Trust me. Plus, mayo is like the glue that holds together a perfect BLT sandwich, so this sandwich runs by the same rules. DON'T BREAK THE RULES OF FAST FOOD, OR I'LL FIND YOU... I'LL BE FRIENDLY TO YOU... I'LL BUY YOU SOME FAST FOOD... And before you realize what's happened, YOU'LL BE ON THE FLOOR DYING BECAUSE I POISONED YOUR POP. YEAH... DON'T BREAK THOSE RULEZ FOOLZ.

Burger King Chicken Parmesan
The King knows what's up. This sandwich is DELICIOUS. It's pretty basic looking, and not the most fancy looking thing, but it kicks ass. BK just released 3 new variants of their Original Chicken Sandwich, and this is one of those. I'm sure I'll be checking out the other ones. This ones is so good though, OH MAN. Eating this sandwich makes you feel like Mario Batalli just punched you in the face, and you landed in the seat of an Italian restaurant in ROME. Nah... probably not. I've never been to Italy. I bet if BK exists in Italy, and they introduced this sandwich, people would set the place on fire, because it's a complete abomination of Italian food... But that doesn't change the fact that it's DAMN TASTY. Their classic Original Chicken piece, on mozzarella, topped with marinara sauce, and covered in shredded parm. CHEEZE LOVERZ UNITE! If you gave this to a mouse, he would go to school, learn english, and come find you so he could thank you, because nobody understands mousey. THAT'S THE TRUTH. So really... You better go try one of these. Also, they've got a deal on right now where if you buy one chicken sangwich, you get another FOR FREE. 
WHAT THE FUCK IS BETTER THAN FREE???
That's right. You gather up your gal, or your best friend, or your fucking dog, or a big appetite, and go get two of these babies. Don't go around dilly-dallyin and fucking around, because these sandwiches, and that deal, are LIMITED TIME ONLY NIGGUUUHHHHHHHHZ.

Arby's Arby-Q with Loaded Curly Fries
If you're from Calgary, you know all about the Stampede, because it's the best. Rodeos, free concerts, fireworks, carny-rides, and chicks without much clothing. But my faaaaavorite part of Calgary Stampede, is all that overpriced, artery clogging, greasy delicious food. BBQ beef on a bun is OFF THE CHAIN. Beef soaked in hickory BBQ sauce, dumped into a bun, makes for some tasty ass shit.Too bad you can only get it one month of the year. OH WAIT BITCH... YOU MEAN ARBY'S HAS THIS SHIT YEAR ROUND? AND IT'S CALLED AN ARBY-Q? THATS A CLEVER ASS NAME FOR A SANDWICH SO SIMPLE AND YUMTASTIC. FUCKIN LOVE ARBY'S. This is exactly what you expect. Some delicious roast beef soaked in BBQ sauce and put on a soft sesame bun. WHAT'S NOT TO LIKE? BUT WAIT, there's more. EVERYBODY KNOWS how awesome Arby's curly fries are. If you don't like them, you're a certified fuckface. Crispy, curly, seasoned potato heaven, make you wanna eat a boatload. But sweet jesus... Arby's has them LOADED with sour cream, cheddar sauce, and BACON. MY MIND IS BLASTED. THIS TASTES SO GOOD. It's not exactly a health conscious meal, but WHO CARES. This meal might make you lose weight anyways though because the sheer overload of tasty flavor will cause your TONGUE TO FALL OFF AND MAKE YOU SHIT YOURSELF. That's like 2 pounds you'll lose instantly. I'M THINKIN' ARBY'S.  

Subway Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki Sub

Look at this delicious sandwich... YEAH JUST KIDDING FUCK THIS PIECE OF SHIT GARBAGE ASS EXCUSE FOR FOOD. Every time I eat Subway, it's one of those last resort situations where it's the only thing around, and everything else is a lightyear away. It sucks too, because even though it's YOU telling them how to make your sub, and you're as specific as possible, THEY STILL FUCK IT UP... So this time I decided to go there for the sake of a review. I wanted to order like a normal person would order, instead of guiding the "Sandwich artist" like a little baby, and telling them "Lightly toasted please... No, take it out at halftime... HALF THE FUCKING TIME. A little lettuce please... NO, A LITTLE, NOT A LOT. FUCK." Yep. This time, I wanted to order a really common flavor, let her toast it until she sees fit, let her decide how much toppings the sub needed, and order a footlong, because everybody in line always does. "One footlong SOCT on Italian please! OK U VANNA TOASTED WITH VITE CHEES? Sure." She proceeds to put cardboard trays of chicken in one microwave, and the bread in a bigger microwave, YUM! Bread comes out, and I can already see the edges look like toasty razor blades. She pulls out the chicken and plops it onto the bread "LETTUCE TOMATO? Sure!" She then proceeds to grab A POUND OF FUCKING LETTUCE, and the most unripe tomato slices and puts them on top. "U VANT ANY OTHER TOPPING? Yes, black olives, and pickles. VAT SAUCE U WANT? Um, Sweet Onion(shouldn't that be a given on this sub), and Southwest Chipotle(I admit, that sauce is damn delicious)." She squirts the sauce on, crushes down all the fucking lettuce so she can close this bitch, and hands it over. NEAT. I pay, get my drink and cookies, and head to my van to chowdown. First thing I notice, and can never get past, is that their chicken has the firmness of jello; NOT THE TEXTURE YOU EXPECT FROM MEAT. Besides the texture though, I admit it doesn't taste horrible, but there is lettuce FUCKING EVERYWHERE. My eatspace looks like hurricane Katrina just ripped through a goddamn cabbage patch. Oh well. One half finished, and I'm doing alright. I start eating the second half, and I'm almost done, when I get this horrible feeling in my stomach. TOO MUCH CHUBWAY. AND OF COURSE, I get down the end of the sub, and it's a fucking write-off, because it's too goddamn toasted and dried out. BREAD CRUMBS FUCKING EVERYWHERE. Whatever though. I'm sure this is all falling on deaf ears, because apparently everybody wants to suck Jared's dick. There's more Subways than McDonalds in the world now. YOU ALL HAVE BAD TASTE, FUCKERS. Quiznos is better ANY DAY. The only good thing about Subway is their cookies, and Southwest Chipotle sauce. Also, it's pretty cheap if you're a poor ass dickbutt. FUCK YOU SUBWAY, PEACE.